What should parents do when their children reach the rebellious age?
Rebellious age, also known as puberty – this is the period when children have a marked physical and psychological development. This stage is the transition period between children and adults.
At the rebellious age, children no longer obediently obey their parents but have begun to form their own interests and opinions. The sudden change of hormones makes the child’s psyche become unstable and unpredictable. Many children used to be shy and gentle, but when they enter puberty, they become stubborn, destructive and rebellious.
Parenting is a long process with a lot of difficulties and challenges. In particular, the “rebellion” period is considered the most difficult time. Because at this time, he is no longer obedient to the family’s arrangement, but he is not deep enough to fully understand life.
This is also a time when conflicts are likely to arise between parents and children. If they are not skillful in their manners, children can develop hatred towards their own family, neglect their studies, lack motivation in life and develop distorted personality types.
In recent years, many unfortunate cases have occurred because parents do not know how to educate their children at puberty. As a result, children become spoiled and hate the family. So, what to do when your child enters the rebellious age is a matter of concern for many parents.
Here are 10 things parents need to do to be able to educate and accompany their children through puberty:
1. Equipping with knowledge about puberty
Puberty is the period when the body begins to have obvious changes in height, weight, physique, size of the first, third and sexual organs. In addition, children also have psychological and emotional changes. Sometimes these changes make your child feel uncomfortable and frustrated because they don’t know how to adapt.
The first thing parents need to do when their child reaches the age of rebellion is to equip them with the necessary knowledge. In fact, in the previous generation, parents were not properly educated, so they lacked understanding of the physiological and psychological changes during puberty. This makes parents confused in the education and care of their children.
Currently, there are many useful programs and documents for parents to refer to. Equipping the necessary knowledge will help parents better understand the psychology of their children, thereby having appropriate behavior and education. Understanding children’s psychology will also help parents find out the root causes of opposing and destructive behaviors.
2. Learn how to be friends with your children
Vietnamese parents often show authority when teaching and educating their children. Before the authority of adults, children often obediently obey. However, when entering the rebellious age, children will not feel comfortable with the demands of their parents. During this stage, children begin to form an ego, want to assert themselves as an adult and want to make their own decisions.
According to psychologists, choosing to be friends with children at a rebellious age is more appropriate than an education based on authority and pressure. In fact, Vietnamese parents lack the skills to be friends with their children, leading to a situation where children rarely share, live in isolation and are far away from their families.
To harmonize and be close to their children, parents need to grasp the changes in modern life and quickly update the issues that their children are concerned about. Parents also need to limit comparisons between the previous and next generations because this can make children uncomfortable.
Sudden physiological changes will cause children to face many problems in life. Learning how to be friends will help children feel comfortable sharing with their families and rely on their parents when facing difficulties.
Meanwhile, parents who educate their children too harshly will make them less likely to share, choose to be silent and face themselves. Because they have no life experience, children sometimes make wrong decisions and face big events from a very young age. Therefore, families should choose how to be friends with their children and aim for a soft and flexible educational method during this period.
3. Teach children how to protect and take care of themselves
One problem that many Vietnamese parents overlook when their children reach puberty is not teaching their children how to take care and protect themselves. At this stage, the sex organs have developed, so the child will encounter problems such as unintended erection, dream sperm (boys), menstruation, menstrual pain, discomfort in the first round, … ( Girls).
Before children enter puberty, parents should educate their children to know these changes in advance to prevent psychological discomfort and fear. In addition, children should be taught personal hygiene, intimate hygiene, appropriate dressing and hair styling. Neat manners will help children become more confident when going to school, and at the same time make friends easily and avoid being ostracized and teased
In addition, parents also need to pay attention to abnormal symptoms so that their children can be examined and treated promptly. Although they have been educated, children cannot avoid embarrassment in behavior and personal hygiene. Therefore, parents should carefully prepare necessary items for their children such as sanitary napkins, tissues, hand sanitizer, etc. for their children to bring and use when needed.
In addition, parents also need to teach children how to protect themselves. Both boys and girls can fall victim to bad actors. Therefore, you should educate your children to protect their bodies and not listen to anyone’s temptations. Children can also be sexually harassed and bullied online, so parents should also pay attention to their children’s use of phones and computers.
4. Listening and understanding – What parents should do when their children are rebellious
Children at the rebellious age have a very sensitive and “difficult” mentality. So what parents need to do is listen and understand. In fact, this is the most important principle for parents to accompany their children during this period. Because what children need is to listen to their wishes, thoughts, feelings, share problems and difficulties encountered in life.
When children share, parents need to show a listening attitude so that children feel comforted. At this stage, children will sometimes have deviant thoughts and behaviors. However, families should understand that this is a completely normal reaction as the child is still developing.
The role of parents is to talk gently to help children understand the issues that need to be changed and form appropriate thoughts and views on life. In order for children to absorb, parents need to be moderate in their words and choose appropriate words. Aggressive attitudes and unwarranted scolding reactions from parents can lead to frustration, sadness, and resistance.
Parents’ listening and understanding is what helps children feel comfortable and secure. Therefore, children will always share with their parents the problems they are facing instead of hiding and solving it themselves. Moreover, listening is the act of admitting that the child has grown up and has a voice of its own. This will help them become more aware of their words, behaviors and responsibilities.
5. Learn to stay calm and moderate in speech
During the rebellious phase, your child will engage in destructive and rebellious behavior. Before the child’s thoughtless actions, it is difficult for parents to stay calm. However, reacting with anger, yelling and hitting the child is not the solution to this situation.
The harsh reaction of parents will make the child hurt, thereby creating a cover and living a closed life. Some children form a “hidden” opposition and silently commit wrongdoing behind their parents’ backs.
In this stage, children are not fully developed cognitively, so sometimes they do not think deeply and thoroughly. When your child makes a mistake, he may not fully understand why he is being scolded and reprimanded. Therefore, what parents need to do is to stay calm and only talk to their children when the anger is over.
Parents can scold their children for making mistakes, but need to be moderate in their words. Besides, you should explain to your children where they are wrong and how to correct them. In addition, it is necessary to educate children on appropriate behavior to avoid repeating similar incidents.
In daily behavior, parents also need to pay attention to what they say to their children. Children at a rebellious age are often very sensitive. Therefore, seemingly normal words can make children hurt and think a lot. Therefore, parents need to be moderate in words and behavior to avoid unnecessary situations.
6. Set specific rules for children
When you enter the rebellious stage, you will want to do things according to your own preferences and desires. This is completely normal and age appropriate mentality. Parents should not assume that this change is due to their spoiled children and bad habits from friends. However, it is necessary to set limits so that children have moderation in words and behavior.
Parents should set rules about study time, use of computers, televisions, kindergarten chores to perform and require children to agree on how to live with the family. Setting rules will help children learn how to manage their time and actively organize the tasks of the day. This is also a way for parents to train their children to be independent and proactive instead of having to remind them as often as they did when they were young.
To ensure that children comply with the set rules, parents should discuss with their children before applying them. Families should also emphasize to their children that adults must be responsible for their words and behavior. If the child does not comply, the parents will apply the corresponding punishment.
When setting rules, parents should avoid being overly imposing and controlling. Let your child feel free to comment and build a rule sheet accordingly. With unreasonable suggestions, parents should explain to their children to understand instead of showing authority with power. In this stage, the common psychology of children is to assert their ego and prove themselves as an adult. Therefore, children should be encouraged to actively complete tasks and follow rules instead of waiting for parents to remind them.
7. Reward – punish properly
Reward and punishment properly is what parents need to pay attention to when their children enter puberty. When I was a child, parents often punished their children with spanking, asking them to kneel or face the wall. However, the form of reward – punishment needs to be changed to better suit the psychology of children.
The rebellious stage makes children more sensitive, prone to forming a hostile and destructive mentality. Punishment is not the right solution at this stage. Punishment by scolding can make children hurt, self-esteem, lower self-esteem and prone to violence.
According to experts, parents need to have strict punishments but still show respect for their children. Before punishing your child, give them a chance to correct their mistakes and ask them to accept the punishment if they do it again.
For children in puberty, appropriate punishments parents can apply include cutting spending, not using computers and televisions, reducing play time, having to do extra housework, and taking care of children. If you do not accept the punishment, parents need to emphasize that the child has agreed and choose a punishment that the child cannot refuse such as spending cuts, banning the use of phones and computers, etc.
In addition, parents also need to have an encouraging gift when their children are obedient. Families should not set goals for children to study hard or try to be obedient. Instead, pay attention to your child’s performance and give him gifts when he notices improvement. The gift should not be of too great value, prioritize the selection of necessary items for learning and favorite items such as pens, comic books, etc.
Punishment – reward properly will help children form responsibility, more aware of their behavior and words. In addition, the gifts of parents also encourage children to maintain correct behaviors and strive for self-improvement.
8. Teach children life skills
In addition to the knowledge in school, children at puberty should be equipped with necessary life skills. At this stage, the child’s living environment is expanded, he has more friends and will face many problems. Equipping life skills will help children know how to resolve conflicts and minimize troubles in life.
Parents do not necessarily have to educate in a rigid way, but can guide their children in life skills through the process of living and unexpected events in life. In addition, children and their families can go camping, travel to explore, climb mountains, etc. to increase their experiences and accumulate more life skills.
If necessary, parents can let children participate in soft skills classes. In fact, necessary life skills are not inferior to the knowledge taught in school. Children with full skills will know how to control their lives and handle unexpected situations well. Many studies show that people with skills and seasoned life experience are more likely to succeed than those who only cultivate expertise.
9. Work closely with the school in the education of children
When entering the rebellious age, children will have thoughtless and deviant behaviors. Many children appear to be obedient in front of their parents but have destructive and hostile behaviors at school. Therefore, families need to work closely with the school to accompany and closely monitor their children during this sensitive period.
When faced with children’s mistakes, parents should not scold and hit their children. It is best to have a conversation to understand the root cause. Because teachers and parents may not fully understand the problems children are facing. Talking and giving your child the opportunity to explain will help the family have a more objective and general view.
This behavior also helps children to see their own mistakes instead of reacting with hostility and hatred. If a child makes a mistake, parents and the school should have appropriate punishment. Besides, should guide children to change to avoid repetition.
10. Give your child regular health check-ups
Vietnamese parents rarely give their children regular health checks, but only go to the hospital when there are unusual symptoms. During puberty, children will undergo physiological changes. Therefore, parents should give their children regular check-ups 1-2 times a year to assess their health and development ability.
During the rebellious age, children can also be abused or have early sexual activity. Routine check-ups will help parents timely detect abnormal problems, thereby taking the right direction and handling. In addition, parents also need to be equipped with experience to ensure that their children have a suitable diet and activities.
Hopefully, through the above sharing, parents know what to do when their children enter the rebellious age. These experiences will help children integrate into the family and have the opportunity to develop in a healthy way. If a suitable education cannot be found, parents can seek out a psychologist.