Living with a difficult mother-in-law should do to reconcile is a concern of many brides. The tips in the following article will help you improve your relationship with your mother-in-law and limit unnecessary conflicts.
What should a difficult mother-in-law do to get along?
The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is an eternal problem. Although it is an old problem, in the current context, this relationship generates many new contradictions and conflicts. The difference in lifestyle and personality makes it difficult for the mother-in-law – the daughter-in-law to get along when living together.
Mother-in-law is influenced by old beliefs, so she is often uncomfortable, rigid, and sometimes overly imposing. However, everything she does is out of concern for her children. Instead of reacting in an extreme way, you should find a solution to improve the mother-in-law – daughter-in-law relationship.
Living with a difficult mother-in-law what to do is a concern of many brides – especially those who have just returned to their husband’s house and are still inexperienced in how to treat people. If you are struggling with this issue, the following suggestions will help you build a good relationship with your mother-in-law.
1. Think more positively about your mother-in-law
The distance between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is often quite large, so the real harmony is not a simple thing. However, you must be aware that the difficult mother-in-law is not because she does not love her children and grandchildren but because she is influenced by old-fashioned views.
The first thing you need to do to improve your mother-in-law relationship is to change your mind. Instead of holding onto discomfort, you should think positively. All the imposition and control of the mother-in-law comes from the concern for her children and grandchildren.
In addition, old-fashioned ideas may be ingrained in her mind, causing her to be strict with you and always ask her daughter-in-law to take care of everything in the family. Therefore, you should think positively about your mother-in-law. Please sympathize with her somewhat imposing thoughts and behavior. Because it will most likely be your image in the future.
Changing your mind is the first step to improving your relationship with your mother-in-law. Only when you really understand and empathize can you get close to your mother-in-law without any barriers. Moreover, you should also remember that the mother-in-law is a person with merit, so more or less, you should not have negative thoughts about her.
2. Keep a soft, tactful attitude
In fact, today, few brides-in-law are humble and patient with the excessive control of their mother-in-law. However, your overreaction can make your relationship worse. As mentioned, the mother-in-law’s thoughts and behavior are influenced a lot by old ideas. Therefore, change cannot happen overnight.
With a difficult mother-in-law, you should not react harshly and avoid showing too much ego. Instead, stay soft and tactful. When her mother-in-law teaches, she should listen even though her thoughts are somewhat unreasonable and strict.
For requests that cannot be fulfilled, you should gently explain and refuse. This can make the mother-in-law angry. However, no matter how she reacts, you should remain calm and tactful to avoid pushing things too far.
3. Actively admitting mistakes when conflicts arise
When living with the husband’s family, between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law cannot avoid conflicts. When conflicts arise, you should stay calm and avoid words that hurt your mother-in-law. After she has calmed down, you should take the initiative to admit the mistake.
However, you don’t have to get all the errors. If the conflict occurs due to the rigidity of the mother-in-law, you should only accept the fault for being soft and behaved inappropriately. Do not take all the blame because this can make the mother-in-law become too much.
Proactively admitting fault will help ease tension and also show your willingness to improve the relationship. Over time, she will get to know your personality better and sometimes there will be positive changes. On the contrary, if you keep reacting harshly, the conflict between you and your mother-in-law can reach a climax and cannot be resolved.
4. Talk to your husband to better understand your mother
When you become a bride, you need a long time to adjust to the lifestyle and fully understand the personalities of family members. If your mother-in-law is a difficult person, you should talk to your husband to better understand her. This will help you to please your mother-in-law and avoid things that upset her.
If your mother-in-law is a difficult person, it is understandable that she is strict with you. However, in case she is only upset with you alone, you should talk to your husband to understand the root cause.
When talking to your husband, don’t use harsh words to describe your mother-in-law. Let’s talk about her with an objective perspective and proper words. This will help your husband trust you and support you in improving his relationship with your mother.
5. Live independently, do not rely on your husband
The common psychology of many mothers-in-law is that they do not like their daughter-in-law to live on and depend on her husband. If you live together, you should avoid asking your husband to do too many things. Instead, take care of the family and show concern for both husband and parents.
If given the opportunity, you should continue to work instead of choosing to stay at home as a housewife. When you go to work, you will have less time to see your mother-in-law, which can reduce conflicts and conflicts. Moreover, when you have a stable income, you can take care of yourself and support your biological parents instead of relying on your husband.
Being proactive financially will also help your mother-in-law be more comfortable with you. However, there are also mothers-in-law who want their daughter-in-law to stay at home to take care of everything in the family. If you do not want to be a housewife, you can express your opinion and continue to pursue work. Before talking to your mother-in-law, you should discuss it with your husband so that you can convince your parents.
6. Show respect to your mother-in-law
Before the absurdity of the mother-in-law, many brides-to-be could not keep their composure. Some people even become grumpy and irritable when their mother-in-law makes unreasonable demands. This makes your mother-in-law feel disrespected and will grow increasingly annoyed with you.
Showing respect to your mother-in-law through your words, voice, and behavior is something you should do – even if she is unreasonable and overly controlling. Respecting your mother-in-law shows that you are trying very hard to improve and reconcile the relationship. Moreover, your skillful handling also makes your husband love your wife and family even more.
There will be times in married life when both of you need to make big decisions. In the case of living with the husband’s family, both should inform their parents before making a decision. This will help the parents-in-law feel respected and know that they always play a special role in their children’s lives.
7. Take care of your mother-in-law like your own mother
If you want your mother-in-law to treat you like your own children, you need to take care of her like your own mother. You should not calculate more losses with your mother-in-law, instead you should take care of her through each meal and sleep. Sometimes you can buy her gifts that match her preferences. If your mother-in-law loves beauty, you should spend the weekend with her to go to the spa for skin care and relaxing massage.
At first, your mother-in-law may be annoyed and think you have an extravagant, expensive lifestyle. However, you should be patient because older people take a long time to change. Over time, she will gradually accept you as the child in the house and change her behavior in a more positive direction.
In addition, you should also pay attention to issues at the husband’s side such as grandparents health care, issues related to the death anniversary, etc. Your thoughtfulness will conquer the fastidious parents-in-law and win you over. feelings of other members.
Although it will be difficult at first, in order to have a harmonious life, you should make efforts to cultivate and build a home. To avoid pressure, should share and express to your partner. The understanding and companionship of the other side will give you more motivation to improve your relationship with your mother-in-law.
8. Find the right words to explain when necessary
For a difficult mother-in-law, you should not argue back and forth. Instead, you should be patient to avoid conflicts and sharp conflicts in life. In fact, the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law not only makes both of you tired but also causes invisible pressure on your husband. Therefore, please minimize unnecessary friction.
However, you should not tolerate your mother-in-law under all circumstances. When she makes unreasonable demands or intrudes unduly on the couple’s private life, you should find the right words to explain. If you keep quiet, your mother-in-law will act more and more and the most tired person is you.
When talking to your mother-in-law, things can be pushed further than you think. Therefore, you should discuss with your husband so that all three can talk. You should be the first to speak up and apologize to your mother-in-law for worrying her. Then, choose words to convince your mother-in-law and explain why you can’t listen to her demands.
9. Set boundaries if your mother-in-law behaves excessively
In the worst case scenario, it’s imperative that you set boundaries if your mother-in-law is overdoing it. Dealing with a difficult mother-in-law is not easy, especially when she is old-fashioned, imposing and likes to control her children. If your mother-in-law behaves excessively such as forbidding you not to bring your children to your grandmother’s house, not to provide financial support for your biological parents, etc., you should set boundaries with her.
Instead of being patient, you should express your point of view clearly. However, it is necessary to remain calm and careful in what you say. In addition, she can be asked not to interfere too deeply in the couple’s private life.
You should make it clear that you always respect your mother-in-law, but can only seek her advice on certain issues. Personal issues such as taking care of biological parents, raising children and managing finances will be discussed by the couple.
10. Seek expert advice
Efforts to improve the mother-in-law-daughter-in-law relationship may not be fruitful. In many cases, your mother-in-law can be extreme and harsh towards you. If reconciliation is not possible, the best course of action is to seek professional advice.
Sharing with friends and relatives will also help you get more useful tips. However, this will come with many unexpected situations. Your mother-in-law may inadvertently hear people talking about the conflict between you and her, which in turn makes your relationship worse.
Moreover, the advice of those around is often subjective. So these tips are sometimes not really helpful. If the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law becomes deep, you should see a psychologist.
Experts will help you objectively view the mother-in-law relationship – find out the root cause and find a way to fix it. In addition, the expert will also help you learn how to balance emotions when living with a difficult, imposing mother-in-law. If necessary, you can consult with your husband for psychological counseling. Because the husband’s skillful behavior will also help reduce the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Hopefully, through the article, you know what to do when you encounter a difficult mother-in-law. Although conquering your mother-in-law is not easy, if you treat her sincerely, she will surely understand your heart. If you feel too stuffy and tired, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.