Cold abuse is a form of emotional abuse in which the abuser uses silence to pressure and hurt the victim’s psyche. This type of abuse is difficult to recognize and often occurs in families or romantic relationships.
What is cold abuse? The current situation
Cold Violence is a form of emotional abuse characterized by the reduction or cessation of all verbal and nonverbal communication. Compared with physical abuse, mental abuse in general and cold abuse in particular are more difficult to recognize.
Roughly understood, cold violence is quite similar to the “cold war” with the purpose of putting pressure and pressure on the opponent’s spirit. However, during the “cold war”, both sides can stay silent. Meanwhile, cold abuse is only one-sided and the victim is the one who tries to communicate but does not reciprocate.
Cold abuse was first mentioned in a 2016 study on domestic violence by author Lu Dan Ma. This study shows that Chinese men often use cold violence to punish their partners. In addition, this form of violence is also used by parents to educate their children.
Usually, abusers are low-class, uneducated and not fully educated. However, cold abuse is more common among educated and wealthy people. Because of their knowledge, these people use silence instead of violence to cause emotional harm to the victim.
Experts say that cold abuse is a form of domestic violence. In Asian culture, men have more power than women. In the last century, it was completely normal for husbands to beat their wives, criticize, insult or insult.
Under the pressure of modern society, these views are forced to change. However, the thought that has been formed for a long time cannot be erased in a short time. Instead of using violence and harsh words, men use cold violence to punish their wives. Similarly, parents also use this form of abuse to punish their children when they make mistakes.
Signs of cold abuse
Cold abuse is more difficult to recognize than other forms of emotional abuse. Some people even mistake the abuser as simply someone who doesn’t talk much and doesn’t want to argue when conflicts arise.
However, in reality, the perpetrator of cold abuse wants to use silence to punish and put pressure on the victim’s psyche. Some people even take advantage of cold violence to psychologically manipulate and abuse victims.
Cold abuse can appear in any relationship, the most common of which are romantic and family relationships:
1. Manifestations of cold abuse in the family
Cold domestic abuse often occurs in parent-child relationships. Many people still mistakenly believe that domestic violence only happens when there is aggressive behavior that causes physical harm. However, sometimes silence and indifference are the means by which violence has a greater impact.
Signs of cold abuse in the family:
- Parents keep quiet, do not answer any questions from their children to punish them when they make mistakes.
- Be indifferent, cold and unresponsive to any of your child’s words.
- Keep an invisible distance from your child, do not act caring or loving.
- Some parents lock their children in a bathroom or closed room after their child commits a mistake as punishment. They do not blame or beat, but cold abuse causes severe psychological damage to children.
Many parents use cold violence to educate their children when other educational methods do not work. However, this shows the failure and incompetence of the parents. Children who are punished by cold violence will suffer psychological damage and constantly feel the fear of being abandoned and hated by their parents.
2. Recognizing cold abuse in love
Cold abuse in love can happen in romantic relationships and marital relationships. This condition is more common in Asian men as a result of patriarchy. As mentioned, increased understanding makes men not choose violence but use silence to torture and mentally abuse the other.
Signs of cold abuse in love:
- Choose to be silent when conflicts and conflicts arise. However, the abuser does not stay silent to calm down and find a solution to the problem. They use silence to oppress the other’s spirit, leaving the other person in a state of sadness, heaviness and suffering.
- Cold, indifferent towards your partner/lover
- Try to avoid all the attention of the other party
- Clearly showing disgust, indifference on the face
- There is no reaction when the other party actively talks and cares.
Silence is sometimes the optimal solution when both are in conflict and losing their temper. However, this silence is completely different from cold violence. People who use cold violence do not stay silent to try to defuse the situation. They use their silence to make the other person feel suffocated, frustrated, and miserable.
It is only when the other side accepts to be humble that they stop the abusive behavior. In fact, many people are victims of cold abuse without even realizing it.
Effects of cold abuse
Cold abuse has significant psychological effects. The cruelty of this type of abuse is very difficult to perceive, even without blood and wounds, but cold abuse is enough to “kill” the victim invisibly.
Children who are educated by cold abuse often have psychological vulnerabilities. They are always afraid of being hated by their parents. In addition, the indifference and silence of parents also unintentionally create a large distance with their children. When these children grow up, they will repeat the parent’s education to their children and use cold abuse in other relationships.
According to experts, children who suffer from cold abuse rarely express their true feelings, live superficially, carelessly and irresponsibly. Although cold violence helps children to be obedient and stop destructive behaviors, it is accompanied by resentment, despair, and emotional distress.
In love, cold abuse kills a relationship. Instead of frankly talking and finding solutions, the pressure from silence makes the other person mentally hurt. They torment themselves, suffer, and are sometimes psychologically manipulated and abused.
The common point of cold abuse victims is that they do not know where they are wrong and whether they have made any mistakes. Meanwhile, the abuser is abusing their psychology to exert pressure and achieve their own goals.
Violence in any form deserves condemnation. Cold abuse is rarely mentioned but by no means accepted. If abuse is not stopped, not only the victim but also the abuser will face abandonment and apathy.
How to prevent and overcome cold abuse
Cold abuse leaves deep emotional scars. Compared to verbal abuse, this type of abuse is much more difficult to recognize. Most victims do not realize they are being abused and have to deal with negative, bad emotions for a long time.
Skin wounds are easy to heal because they are detected and treated early. Meanwhile, emotional trauma is discreetly covered. Even many victims of cold abuse have to face invisible wounds for the rest of their lives.
If you are experiencing cold abuse, you can refer to some of the following solutions:
1. Ask the other party to stop the abusive behavior
When you become aware of cold abuse, you should ask the other person to stop. In fact, many people are unaware of the severity of this form of abuse and use silence to punish their spouse or children. Therefore, please share so that they can better understand the trauma that you have to face when suffering from mental abuse in general and cold abuse in particular.
2. End the relationship
Most abusers don’t come to terms with your requests. If it cannot be saved, the relationship should be terminated. A healthy relationship will never have toxic behavior like cold abuse. Therefore, you should definitely end the relationship with the abuser because you do not deserve to be abused and hurt.
If you’re in a romantic relationship, it’s easy to end up with your abuser. However, in cases where the abuser is a parent, this is almost impossible. If you are an adult and independent enough, you should live alone to avoid cold violence. This will more or less relieve your own suffering and suffocation.
3. Thanks to everyone’s support
In case you are dependent on your family, you should seek help from those around you such as teachers or other relatives. Share with them what you are facing and express your wish that your parents stop the cold violence.
In a romantic relationship, asking to end can cause the abuser to engage in harassment and intimidation. If you find yourself in this situation, you should ask for help from friends and authorities. Everyone’s support will help keep you motivated to overcome abuse and lead a new, better life. In addition, psychological counseling can be used to heal the trauma caused by cold abuse.
Cold abuse or any other form of abuse is not acceptable. So, be strong to face and overcome if you are a victim. Instead of fighting alone, you can seek the help of a psychologist and family and friends for support.
