To close the gap between parents and children is really not easy. Because between the two generations, there will be differences in thoughts, views and views on life. Similar to other relationships, the parent-child relationship is only harmonious when both sides make efforts.
The secret to closing the gap between parents and children
Due to the age difference, there is always an “invisible” gap between parents and children. The distance will be shortened if parents and children understand and harmonize in thinking and personality. On the contrary, the rigidity and conservatism of the parents and the stubborn personality of the children will make the members become more distant.
The distance between parents and children makes the family lose joy, happiness and warm atmosphere. In many cases, conflicts deepen over time, causing children to tend to stay closed. Children living far away from their parents will not be nurtured with love, do not know how to share, empathize and understand.
The age and generation gap makes a certain gap between parents and children. To remove the invisible distance, parents can apply some of the following tips:
1. Chat more
In all relationships, communication is the “key” to the connection. When I was a child, I often shared with my parents everything in life from my thoughts, feelings and events that happened at school. However, when children grow up, they will talk less with their parents due to the generation gap and fear of being scolded by their parents.
To close the gap with their children, parents should actively talk to their children. Start with questions about your health, friends, school, and future plans. A common problem Vietnamese parents face is showing authority over their children in all circumstances. This will make them feel shy and uncomfortable when talking. Therefore, parents should talk softly, show listening and sharing instead of asking questions.
In addition to listening to children share, parents should tell their children about memorable memories when they were still at school. Interesting, close stories will help parents get closer to their children.
Moreover, when listening to parents’ stories, children will be aware that their parents have also experienced similar problems. At that time, children will be more comfortable talking and willing to share and seek advice from family when facing problems in life.
2. Learn to understand and share
Many parents try to talk to their children more, but the children feel uncomfortable. Many children only answer what their parents ask and do not want to share their problems in depth. This mentality of the child comes from the way the upbringing imposes and controls too much. Therefore, parents need to be persistent so that their children slowly open their hearts and become more comfortable when communicating.
In addition, parents should also learn to really share instead of asking rigidly. Children from puberty and above can feel the sincerity of their parents through words and expressions. Therefore, it is advisable to really share with your children instead of talking superficially or talking with the hidden purpose of controlling them.
When listening to their children share, parents should also understand the psychology of their children instead of using their own psychology to evaluate things. Understanding psychology will help parents have skillful behavior and words to create comfort for children. From there, children will not hesitate to share everything from feelings, thoughts to difficult problems in life.
3. Put yourself in your child’s shoes
There is always a difference between parents and children in their way of thinking, seeing, and outlook on life. When something happens, parents and children will have different views. Therefore, both sides try to defend their position and want the other to change.
If only thinking about their own feelings, family conflicts will deepen, and at the same time, children and parents will also become more distant. Therefore, it is better to put yourself in your child’s shoes instead of imposing and controlling too much. Parents have also experienced a rebellious age, so please understand the feelings and thoughts of the child.
When in their child’s shoes, parents can understand why their children act, say, and react like that. In addition, children should also put themselves in the position of their parents to understand the feelings of their parents.
4. Flexibility in education
Too rigid in the way of education is the cause of the gap between parents and children. Therefore, parents should be more flexible to avoid unnecessary conflicts. In addition, flexible education will help children develop good qualities and feel the love of family.
Parents should consider the incident and circumstances to come up with an appropriate course of action. Do not be strict in all circumstances or indulge in excessive indulgence of children. Currently, the way of education based on authority but still ensuring understanding and softness is highly appreciated by many experts. This way of education helps children develop healthy both physically and mentally.
5. Change your mind to suit the times
Changing mindsets to be more in line with the times will help bridge the gap between parents and children. In fact, each generation will have its own views and ideals. Concepts in the parents’ time may no longer be relevant in the current context.
If children are imposed, conflicts and conflicts will constantly appear, making the atmosphere in the family suffocating and cramped. Therefore, parents should update the trend and change their thinking in accordance with the times.
Young people today are often interested in career and life experience instead of getting married and taking care of children. Many parents react strongly when their children have radically different views from the previous generation. However, parents should remember that children have their own lives and let them make important decisions for themselves.
The role of parents is to guide their children’s false thoughts and fantasies. If only because of the difference that parents impose and force their children to listen to their will, conflict is inevitable. Moreover, for children with strong personalities, being opposed by their parents for unwarranted reasons will hurt children and form a closed lifestyle.
6. Don’t compare
Parents often compare their child’s era with that of previous generations to let their children know how lucky they are. Some families also use the difference between the two generations to force their children to study, set achievements and high positions in life. However, each era will have its own pressures, so the comparison in any situation is lame.
In addition, parents should not compare their children with others. Each person will have their own talents and strengths. Therefore, please encourage your child to work hard and diligently to hone his abilities instead of criticizing and blaming him for not achieving high achievements.
Comparing children is a common habit among many parents. This habit will create an “invisible” distance between parents and children. Therefore, parents should change to remove the distance and be closer to their children.
7. Accept the difference
In arguments, parents should understand that sometimes there is no right or wrong but merely difference. Each generation will have the same living environment, way of education, etc., so it is understandable to form different views and thoughts. Parents should not use age to force their children to follow the direction of the family.
Accepting differences instead of imposing them will help parents get closer to their children. When opinions and thoughts are accepted, children will also learn to accept their parents’ thoughts. It also has a deeper insight into the difficulties faced by the previous generation.
8. Don’t expect too much from your child
Expecting too much will make children feel pressured, tired and distance themselves from parents. Any parent wants their child to study well and be successful in life. However, parents’ expectations sometimes prevent children from developing to their strengths. Moreover, the constant pressure of parents makes children uncomfortable when talking and afraid to share their feelings with their families.
To shorten the distance with their children, parents should not expect too much. Instead, children should be encouraged to learn and develop their own talents. In addition, it is necessary to help children understand that the meaning of learning is to improve their ability and knowledge, not to be too pressured by achievements and grades.
Children who are created a healthy learning environment will have a good foundation and easily absorb knowledge. Meanwhile, children with excessive parental expectations often lose the joy of learning and are unable to develop their talents. Reducing expectations will help children reduce the burden and pressure and become closer to their parents.
9. Respect your children
Respecting children is one of the ways to help parents remove the invisible distance. When children start puberty, parents should pay more attention to words and behavior. Because at this time, I have formed an ego, and at the same time I want to be recognized and treated like an adult.
Parents’ respect for their children is shown in many aspects such as always listening to their children’s opinions, letting them make their own decisions, giving them opportunities to develop, etc. When receiving respect from family, children will also learn to respect others and be more moderate in behavior.
10. Give your child their own space
Vietnamese parents often control their children excessively from studying to making friends, emotional relationships, future orientation, majors, etc. This mentality comes from worry and unconditional love for their children. .
In the eyes of parents, children always need to be protected and protected. Therefore, parents always want to control so that their children do not get bad habits and avoid mistakes when entering life. However, excessive house arrest will make children feel uncomfortable, tired and do not want to be close to their parents.
Instead of interfering too deeply in their children’s lives, parents should give their children their own space. Excessive control doesn’t help your child avoid mistakes and pitfalls. Instead, they should educate their children to recognize and stay away from things they should not do, consciously protect themselves and make efforts in study and work.
Moreover, creating a separate space for children means that parents put their trust in their children. This will help children increase their self-esteem and confidence in life. Children who have their own space will know how to manage time, spend and learn how to maintain relationships naturally instead of having to obey the arrangement of parents.
Hopefully, through the above tips, parents can eliminate the invisible distance with their children. If the relationship does not improve, it is advisable to seek the help of a psychologist. Avoid the situation where the conflict is so deep that the children live closed and separated from the family.