Parents scolding their children comes from anxiety, fear of spoiled and unworthy children. However, frequent scolding with harsh words can hurt children and alienate them from the family.
Psychological effects of children being scolded by their parents often
Yelling at children is one of the educational methods used by parents. Reprimands will help children see their mistakes and know how to correct them so they don’t repeat them. However, scolding at the right time and at the right time brings effective education. On the contrary, the habit of scolding often makes children psychologically hurt.
Even many children become spoiled, destructive and rebellious when severely scolded by their parents. Unlike adults, children are very sensitive to the words of those around them. Children can not yet realize that these words come from anxiety and good wishes. Therefore, the heavy words parents say can make children psychologically hurt and form a distance from the family.
In fact, many parents are aware of the need to limit scolding their children often but cannot change it. Because the naughty and destructive behavior of children can make parents angry and short-tempered. However, yelling is just a way for adults to release emotions. While children feel hurt and tormented by harsh words from their families.
Understanding more about the psychological effects of children being scolded regularly will help parents adjust their education in a timely manner. Here are the most common effects:
1. Children are withdrawn and timid
Young children have a limited living environment compared to adults. Children are usually surrounded by family, teachers, and friends. Therefore, children are very attentive to the words of those around them. If parents often scold, children will become timid, shy and withdrawn.
Heavy scolding makes children feel afraid and think that they are weak and incompetent. When scolded, children often suffer silently instead of explaining. Because Vietnamese parents hardly listen to their children, they often refer to explanations as arguing and opposing. This situation is repeated over and over, causing the child to lack communication skills and withdraw.
Many parents have a scolding reaction as soon as their child makes inappropriate words. However, because the child has not fully developed, he does not understand the meaning of his sentence. The role of parents is to educate their children to understand and adjust their words accordingly.
The scolding response will make the child more afraid, shy and less talkative. In the long run, children become timid and do not know how to communicate with those around them. Poor language development means that children have delayed thinking development and are more likely to have a low IQ.
2. Living far away from family
Due to generational differences, there is always a gap between parents and children. This distance will become more and more distant if parents constantly yell at their children and lack understanding and sharing.
Young children are not deep enough to understand the deep meaning of their parents’ scoldings. They simply assume that themselves and their parents are in opposition. Instead of giving love to the family, children will develop defensive and shy mentality.
Usually, children will quickly forget the unpleasant things in life. However, if the scolding situation is repeated, the gap between the child and the family will deepen. Because at this time, children do not feel care or love, but only receive heavy scolding and shouting.
Because of constant scolding, children are afraid to talk to their parents. This fear prevents children from sharing with their families the problems and troubles they face in life. Children also rarely share their feelings and concerns about adolescence. Instead of seeking help from family, children will learn to face things alone. This inadvertently pushes children away and there are even some cases where children hate their parents.
3. Pessimistic and negative thinking
When scolding their children, parents need to be moderate in their words. Choose the right words, emphasize your child’s mistakes and encourage him to change for the better. However, most parents when scolding their children are angry, so they rarely pay attention to words.
Instead of focusing on the mistake that the child made, parents use heavy words to criticize and lower the child’s ability and honor. Even many families completely deny their children’s efforts just because their children do not achieve the expected results.
Heavy scolding from parents causes children to form negative and pessimistic psychology. Children think they are incompetent and incapable of doing anything. Constantly being scolded makes children feel the family atmosphere is heavy, tired and begin to form pessimistic thoughts about marriage.
4. Difficulty controlling emotions
Parents often scold their children when they are angry and short-tempered. Expressing anger in front of your child will cause them to develop similar reactions and attitudes. Most children who are constantly scolded by their parents have difficulty controlling their emotions – especially anger, irritability, and frustration.
Children often express anger towards weaker people such as younger brothers, sisters or friends at school. In this case, the child perceives the scolding as a form of emotional release and punishes the person who upsets them.
Learning to control emotions is an important life skill. Children who do not have these skills will have a lot of trouble when studying and working. Frequent temper, frustration also makes children prone to conflicts and conflicts with those around them.
5. Reduced self-esteem
Self-esteem helps children to be aware of and value their honor and dignity. However, being scolded regularly by parents can cause children to lose self-esteem. People with low self-esteem often lack confidence, feel ashamed, consider themselves weak, incompetent and self-pity.
Low self-esteem makes children uncomfortable expressing themselves and difficult to succeed in life. Therefore, families should change the way of education to help children improve self-esteem and form other good qualities.
6. Forming an anti-psychotic
Yelling is one of the forms of reprimanding children. If scolding at the right time and with moderation in words, children will absorb the parents’ teachings and make more positive changes. On the contrary, frequent scolding will cause children to form a hostile and hostile mentality.
Children are often psychologically sensitive and unstable – especially during puberty. Often, children will not express opposition explicitly, but only “implicitly”. Some children choose a depraved, unhealthy lifestyle as punishment for their parents. Therefore, it is necessary to change the harsh and authoritative way of upbringing.
7. Increased psychological problems
In addition to the above effects, parents who scold their children often also increase psychological problems. Faced with harsh words, children often suffer instead of having the right to explain and share. In the long run, frustrations from family plus study pressure and conflicts with teachers and friends make it difficult for children to avoid psychological problems.
According to experts, the situation of parents scolding their children often can increase some of the following psychological problems:
- Depression: Depression is the most common emotional disorder today. This pathology is characterized by low mood, children become melancholic, sad, pessimistic, body fatigue, reduced energy and loss of interest in things. Depression in children can have many causes but is often related to family pressure.
- Anxiety disorders: Frequent scolding causes children to form negative and pessimistic psychology, always worrying about learning results and the future. Some children may develop generalized anxiety disorder as a result of facing criticism and blame from their parents.
- Self Harm Syndrome: Self Harm syndrome (self-destructive syndrome) is common in young people and adolescents. This syndrome occurs mainly in people who have been mentally repressed for a long time. Therefore, it is more likely that children will develop Self Harm if parents continue to scold their children for no reason.
Family is inherently a place where children can rely on when facing difficulties in life. However, frequent scolding by parents will make children separate from their loved ones, afraid to share and form defensive and antagonistic psychology. This destroys the invisible bond between parent and child.
Advice for parents who scold their children
In fact, scolding children is not a bad way to educate. Yelling at the right time and with moderation in words will help your child become aware of mistakes. However, it is very difficult to control speech while being hot-tempered and angry.
Parents who have a habit of yelling at their children should refer to the following tips to adjust their education more appropriately:
- No one wants to be scolded and neither do children. Therefore, parents should scold their children only when absolutely necessary, and at the same time should limit frequent and unreasonable scolding.
- When getting too angry, parents should avoid their children for a while to control their emotions. When you are calmer, you should talk and scold the child with reasonable and appropriate words. In addition to scolding, there should be age-appropriate punishment. For example, punish children not to watch TV, play on the computer, have to do housework or cut pocket money.
- Point out mistakes to your child and guide them to a more reasonable solution to avoid repeat mistakes. In fact, many parents just yell at their children without providing a solution. This makes them constantly repeat mistakes and often get scolded.
- Put yourself in your child’s shoes to better understand emotions and feelings. Do not impose and control children excessively.
- Spend a lot of time sharing to understand the difficulties your child faces. There should be timely support so that children can overcome challenges with the companionship of their parents.
- Too much scolding makes children think that their parents do not love and care for them. Therefore, the family should scold at the right time and should have a reward when the child is obedient, active in learning and helps parents with housework. Reasonable rewards and punishments will help children be aware of which behaviors should promote and actively change inappropriate habits and actions.
- If a suitable educational method cannot be found, parents should seek the help of a psychologist. Psychological counseling will help parents better understand their children, thereby having a softer and more delicate reaction, behavior and attitude.
Being scolded by parents often affects a child’s psyche. Hopefully, through the above article, parents have better understand the psychology of their children and promptly adjust their educational methods accordingly. In case of need, should see a psychologist for support.
