We tend to be tolerant of strangers but easily forgive ourselves when we hurt our loved ones. Those words and actions that accumulate for a long time will definitely cause a break in family relationships.
In addition, the pressure of busy life, the explosion of social networks makes us spend less time together, disagreements occur in communication, do not understand each other. And now, remember the secret of 5 love languages - the key to open the doors of connection in the closed nest.
Five Love Languages is a book compiled from the famous work The Five Love Languages by psychologist – Dr. Gary Chapman with thirty years of experience as a marriage counselor (author of world bestselling books). world and has been translated into 40 languages). The author once shared that the deepest emotional need of humans is the need to be loved. For those who are married, it offers a sense of understanding and practical tools to foster love in the family. Thousands of couples have told him that what he wrote has given “a new life” to their marriage.
Let’s find out how you are owning and practicing love languages!
1. Affirmation, praise and love
Vietnamese people are still shy and timid in expressing their feelings to each other. And there are many traditional cultural features of tact, humility, like to talk less about their own achievements. But in fact, being recognized and praised is a very instinctive human need.
Did you know, when you give a affirmation or compliment from the heart to your loved one, you activate dopamine – a happy hormone in their body? He believes that he has just achieved an achievement and increases his desire and effort to strive. Especially, in communication with the men in the family (father, husband, son, etc.), this is a type of love language that gives them a positive sense of self-worth and promotes motivation. strive to devote more to the family. Adding a few sincere compliments in conversation is like seasoning for a dish that adds more flavor.
- Can I help you two with your homework today?
- Mother’s cooking is number 1.
- I believe you did your best.
When receiving genuine compliments from their loved ones, everyone will feel very happy and proud. That is the power of intimacy, the most sacred and natural invisible bond. Love spoken is truly contagious. A positive word given is enough to brighten a gloomy day. Leaving worries and worries about work and achievements outside the door, entering the home, listening to comforting words is happiness filled in the heart. Above all, cultivating sincere compliments is also knowing how to love ourselves. Because when I understand myself, it will be easier to understand the other person and give compliments from the heart. Say love as soon as you can!
2. Gestures of love
A warm hug for parents, a trusting pat on the shoulder to send to their child before the exam, sharing housework with his wife even if it’s just drying clothes, cleaning the shelves… all are named “nominations”. just love”.
In the family, women with feminine instincts always give unconditional care. When the baby was born, the mother’s sleep was restless and uncertain. The child is older, mother teaches every step, every first sentence of life. Mom is willing to sleep less, get up early to prepare breakfast for the whole family. I’m willing to stay up later to rest assured that you have all your books ready to go to school tomorrow. Mom is always ready. So why are we hesitating to show our appreciation and gratitude to our mothers, loved ones in the family!
Lack of love, responsibility and mutual care is a major cause of marriage rifts. The gap between love and insensitivity is only thin, sometimes indifferent, indifferent and I keep a big “I”. A husband who puts on an apron or sweeps with a broom can score much more than he pays for a maid.
3. Quality and meaningful time
Life is too busy. Many people have a dream that a day has more than 24 hours to do more things. But instead of the impossible thing of changing time, we have the other option of changing ourselves. 15-20 minutes a day with family members doing something mindfully will give you more energy to do better at other tasks. For example, walking the pets together, making cakes together, going to the supermarket together…
Quality and meaningful time is another way of being 100% present. This is a time of bonding, being together in mindfulness. Because we know we are here, right now, without distraction from work, society, study… We don’t need to give any advice, just being present is enough to give it. love, faith, stability for the opponent. In this way, they feel true companionship and empathy.
For example, when parents do housework, even though the child just sits by, does not help. But the fact that children listen, ask questions, share through words also make parents happy. Or when the wind turns and the grandparents are sick, instead of a few questions over the phone and then ordering food and tonics, their children and grandchildren come to visit and eat together, the spirit of grandparents is excited, eating Drink well, relieve body pain.
There are many times when we sit together, even though the other party knows all the answers, they still ask because they want their feelings to be vented and shared. We simply listen wholeheartedly, without judgment, feeling the full story. Sometimes I open it up with empathetic questions like: “What can I do for you?”. At that time, both of them are ready to open their hearts to tell all their feelings, their souls become in tune with lullabies.
4. Communicating with body touch
There are many people who want to show love but can’t express it through spoken language, body communication is the easiest language to do. And it also offers the fastest connection. During pregnancy, the baby is in the mother’s womb and is wrapped in an extremely warm and safe fetus. After being born, I still remember that feeling and love to be hugged. It is an instinctive need.
Why does a hug help me feel like I’m being “charged” when I’m tired? Because energy is “connected water bottles”, the act of embracing is in direct contact, so the energy is transferred to each other immediately from “full tank” to “empty bottle”.
In the live group therapy program organized by NHC Vietnam Psychotherapy Center, Master Coach Pham Thi Ngoc Tram guided everyone to practice loving hugs – an easy method that can be applied every day for all. everyone:
- Stand facing each other, look into each other’s eyes for about 2 seconds;
- Practice hugging for 8-10 seconds in silence.
Although they are strangers, the feeling for each other is very warm and gentle. Then with loved ones, that love will be stronger and more abundant. And every day, just 3-4 hugs, you will see a clear change in your connection with family and friends.
Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Ohio (USA) conducted a study with the participation of 125 children, both preterm and full term, to assess their response to physical touch. The results of the study indicated that a stronger brain response occurred in the group of babies who were held a lot by their parents or hospital staff.
Some other studies from Princeton University (USA) have shown other results that when being hugged by parents, the child’s body will release the hormone Oxytocin – which has certain positive effects on the body, helping to support development. physically develop.
The cuddly gestures just enough, at the right time will replace a thousand words. Do you remember, when you were still holding your child, every time you cried, I gently hugged you, and you were comforted. Can I hear the voice of love in every heartbeat of my parents?
5. Giving and receiving gifts
In Japan, there is an interesting culture that has existed for a long time, which is the culture of giving and receiving gifts. They have up to 3 major gift-giving seasons of the year – when gifts also show appreciation for relationships between people. These are delicate gifts from paper strings, external ties (color/style), words written on the outside of the gift… Although nowadays, gift giving is more convenient with pre-printed details but here is still an important cultural “lesson” and needs to be carefully remembered for many people. And for the recipient, there is also a culture of reciprocation, Zoto, which is equally sophisticated and meticulous. Maybe, Vietnam has a more open view, not too formal in gifts, but always remember – gifts are happy memories, marking happiness between people.
A fact at NHC Vietnam Psychotherapy Center is that many cases come to people whose material lives are too full. They receive a lot of luxurious, expensive gifts, but they do not solve their problems. Therefore, giving and receiving gifts should be noted because there may be “winds and words” but the objects are still there.
Material or spiritual gifts, we all like to receive exactly what we want. Therefore, we should not be afraid to speak out our wish to receive the most suitable gifts, within the ability of the buyer. Likewise, when we give someone a gift, we can prompt them to share what we like. The giver can completely change, add a little secret when giving to the opponent to surprise, deeper emotions.
Life has so many meaningful things waiting for us. Remember, you always have these 5 love languages available to send your love. However, just like holding a notebook and pen in hand, each person will use it differently. Some people write poems, others draw pictures. The same is true of love language. Each person usually has one or two love languages that are more dominant than others, and the way each person expresses it is different. But these are relative and may change over time.
Therefore, you need to spend some time paying attention to observe people to see how they have their lifestyle, communication habits, interests… to choose the right language. More simply, you and your family members can take the test together in the book “5 love languages” by Gary Chapman for quick and simple answers. Along with that, you yourself also realize what needs to be changed to create harmony in relationships. The important thing is that you can’t change others, you can only change yourself.
Through the 5 love languages, you also discover yourself and make yourself happier and happier by meeting your own outstanding love needs instead of waiting for someone else. understand and respond to themselves.
This information was shared by psychologist, Master Coach Pham Thi Ngoc Tram in the live group therapy program in Ho Chi Minh City No. 08: “Mid-Autumn Festival – Tet of reunion” of the Psychotherapy Center. whether NHC Vietnam.